Whatever brings you down, will eventually make you stronger.

Good morning.

It has been so long since I’m writing here. Not because I was busy, it just I don’t want to come up with another boring updates. There was not much things happened since I left this blog. Everything was just the same. I spent almost all of the days in home, not going out to special places. Except for the Chinese New Year last month where my family and I went to a simple trip. I remember that time I was completely not in my mood because we left Keningau two days before he went back to his camp. It was so sad that I could even cry, feeling like the time flew so fast than I expected. So many thoughts came up to my mind when we left Keningau, I have been asking myself for a thousand times, did I treat him right when he was back? I had promised myself that when he was back, I’m going to treat him well and just create some memories together since he was given a holiday for only one week for the Chinese New Year celebration.

After he left to his camp and when we returned home, no special events happened. I’m just staying at home learning some new recipes, watching movies, surfing the internet, tweeting. I have been so active in Twitter recently as I found it so interesting and because of that, I tweeted quite a lot. It was really a good site for me because I can post anything I want and let go all the problems or the stress I had on me since no one will care to bother me. Since then, I stick with Twitter all the time.

For the last two weeks, he didn’t get his phone back so we couldn’t text each other as usual. I was quite disappointed but I tried to be calmed because I thought I’m not going to start any fight since we are so far apart. He finally got his phone for this week, which is yesterday. I was so happy, but after that all the texts seem boring. I wonder if he is so boring towards me. It makes me upset but I just keep silent. I really felt left-out recently. To be honest, I miss everything about us. Sometimes the memories just keep flashing back in my head but because I’m getting used to the distance we have now, I just keep thinking about it. Back then, I’ll be crying for thinking about those things. Sometimes I feel like these things make me grow up a bit towards maturity. Seriously, every of this experience teaches me a lot.

So last night, I didn’t know why I was crying. Maybe I had endured too much about us. I really felt left-out for the whole day since yesterday. I don’t even dare to tell him that I miss him so much. I did tell him that but it was different from back then. The respond I got didn’t cheer me up. I must say every respond I got was unsatisfied. Am I the one that made him being bored, or did I do something wrong? And to be truth, I miss being loved. I miss being cared like the old times. I miss holding hands and playing games, I miss it that he will be there when I was stressed and listen to me all the time. I know that it makes no sense to say about this. Or by any chance, is this only my feeling?

Why is everything feels so different?

Great time finally came.

The time currently shows 11.51 pm now, today was a Sunday and yeah, I really felt happy today!
I met him today at his camp, you won't understand how excited I was to meet him. Finally after two weeks of struggling (although I had used to it now) for not getting to see each other, I was so glad. Really happy to know that he is just fine there, though he told me lots of complaints (he loves to complaint but I find that cute). His family drove to my place to pick me early in the morning, in case there will be traffic problem happens but who doesn't know that right? It was my first time being in a table with his family for a breakfast. His sister brought Sara as well so I knew that she will be going back to her hostel at UiTM and Sara wanted to send her. They were so closed like a real sibling and sometimes while in the car, I got too jealous because they are really having fun together. They chit-chatting and play some games together in the phone. I was just being there alone sitting in the car, hoping if he could be there beside me and spending our time together by talking or playing, just like we used to do when we met.
After we reached KK, we went to their apartment at Cyber City first before heading to the camp. I met his uncles and his oldest cousin with their cute baby. I don't know the name but everyone called her Momoy. After all, she was so cute.

After some time, we left the apartment and headed towards Tuaran because it was already late. It has been raining for the whole day. When we reached there, the place looks awesome, surrounded by the trees and it is truly a beautiful scenery. Seeing him made me blushed for a while. Although his haircut was kinda funny but he is still the handsome man I've ever seen. We did take pictures together but unfortunately I don't have them now. Besides, I saw Nicole Lim and Linda Lim having their own visiting time with families. Nicole was so beautiful even though with her blue PLKN shirt.

Seeing him today makes me even love him more than I always do. So now I'll be waiting for him to come back for his Chinese New Year holiday. Really can't wait!

Random post.

Today I was completely weary by dullness, and I just couldn’t stop myself from eating. Seriously, I ate a lot on this so-called holiday. If only if I get a part-time job, I can get my very own pocket money and buy beautiful things with them. I can buy delicacies for myself. Talk about food, it has been a long time since I ate the spaghettis and pizzas. The last time I ate them was with him on the early January. It seems like I’m craving for them now.

Apart from that, because of the boredom I had today, I had read lots of blogs I can find. Some blogs amazed me with their beautiful blog skins, their English writings got me ashamed of mine, so perfect that they had me thinking of how could they learn all those great English, I just wish that I could use the English as awesome as they do. Unfortunately there is still a blogger I found that obviously posted things in her blog by copying from some sources in Google or whatever sites, I just don’t care. That was a good example of an attention seeker. Just because they wanted to be focused by other bloggers, they rather copied writings from the other sites and just let all the bloggers like me to think that they had written a lot of beautiful pieces. They wrote things like motivation speeches or something else that are quite similar. I just really hate that kind of people. Sorry to say but I got you, you can fool others but you can’t fool me you fame seeker!

Besides, to be honest, I couldn’t wait to visit him this Sunday! There is a crazy plan that popped out in my mind recently. I wanted to fool him since I’ve never done this thing to him. I wanted to fool him as if he called me tonight, I will tell him that I really couldn’t make it this Sunday. Maybe you think that this is not a crazy plan at all. Want to know why I called it a so-called crazy plan? It was crazy because if I tell him that I couldn’t come and visit him by this Sunday, I bet he will be so frustrated and disappointed. I think he might cry too! It was because every night when he called me, he always tells me that we will meet on this Sunday and he couldn’t wait for it. He was that excited and if I say I couldn’t come, I am very sure that I had broken his heart. But now I just don’t know how to say it if he called me later because I am so afraid to hurt him. I’m going to do it anyway and I will be cooperating with his mother to make this plan successfully. But after all, I just miss him so bad. I’m really looking forward to meet him this Sunday!

That's all from me and till then.

I miss you!

GOOD MORNING!

It has been 5 days I didn't meet him, the only way to keep in touch is just through texts and calls. Since his phone has been taken there, so I couldn't catch his updates. Usually he will call me every night using the public phone. Besides, his mom always sends me texts and asks me updates and things that I need to ask him. I had waited for his phone call last night but there was none. I waited for it until I fell asleep. It was hard and tiring, since he will be calling me at anytime, I need to be more alert so that I won't miss any calls from him. I woke up at midnight and there was nothing on my phone screen. I thought I missed it so I cried. There was a lot of things I wanted to tell him. After thinking, I knew that maybe there were some factors which in turn he couldn't make it last night. He had promised me though, but never mind then, I know that he is so busy there.
He complaint a lot to me about how he was so uncomfortable there, the coaches shouting at them, he wanted to go home and etc. I hope that he is in a fine condition and be cheerful as always. It was not easy for him since he was not very familiar with the condition. I am really looking forward to visit him this Sunday but since only family members allowed for the visit, his mom will make a survey and if everything is okay, I will be visiting him next week with his family.
I couldn't wait for it, it was so hard for me to not seeing him for the whole week! I hope there will be a phone call from him tonight!

Give me strength.

Staying late up until this midnight is not what I want. I actually felt so sleepy. But I suddenly thought of something and it was about him going to leave to Tuaran very soon. This laptop has been turned off for awhile just after I went to bed. I search for songs in my phone for me to listen to until I fell asleep. There is this song, which is a sad song, and both of us just simply love this song lately. I just couldn't hold myself and I cried. It was stupid. I was like "I can do this." before and now I was knocked down completely for no reason. He will be going there for just 3 months and why am I need to be this weak? Maybe it was the atmosphere that surrounded me just now. It was late at night of course, so it was dark and cold in my bedroom. The situation suddenly became quiet. I just felt like I wanted a warm hug, so that I can sleep soundly. Plus, the song playing in the middle of the night, I just couldn't stop myself from being such an emotional person. I guess I was the only one in this world exactly at this time that being so emotional now. It is not easy for me though, I don't have my best friends around so I always feel lonesome. Back then in school, they were my happiness. I always advise my friends, whenever they feel sad, try to figure out what are the things that they can do to make themselves forget all of their sadness. I just knew that their presence is the only thing that could make me forget all of my sadness. And now, without them, I just don't know what to do.

Just a boring update.

As usual I met him today and we have made a lot of crazy stuffs, like we used to do every time.

My current plan for the first 3 months of year 2013 is to get a part-time job. For now, I have not found any job yet. The main factor is that I have no friend at all, I am too afraid to do the part-time job alone by myself as it is my first experience to do it. I am so desperate in finding some pocket money for myself since I am so poor now. Actually I have been complaining this to my mom so many times but she just kept her mouth shut, no response at all. I just could not move on with this life without money.
After all, seeing my brothers managing their school stuffs such as their new trendy school bags, pencil boxes, school uniforms and school shoes made me smile for awhile. I started missing school and the teachers. I soon realized that I will be going through a wonderful journey that exposes the real world. I finally will move on to the next step after secondary school! Long story short, I just can't wait to be exposed to the new world.

Besides, I'm still counting on the days until the National Service program. 8 days to go!

Nevertheless, our 9th monthsary is around the corner hahaha it feels so good!

I am so glad that both of us had reached to this far. I feel like this relationship I had now is the most wonderful thing that ever happened. Being with him I feel like I am always in a protection. Though my friends always remind me to not have high expectations on this relationship that we had (they are really true!) but I believe that if both of us appreciate each other, there is nothing we can't handle.

I just hope that everything went well on what both of us have now ♥
Good night fellas, until then.

Really going to miss you.

It will be 10 days from today until the National Service program, which is on 5th January of 2013. It is not me who will be going to the program. It was him. I cannot describe this feeling I have now very well, but I am pretty upset about this thing. Not going to see him for 3 months, although I will be there (I had promised) with his family to visit him, it is not easy for me.
I just met him this evening. When he drove me home, I suddenly thought of this, which nearly made me burst into tears. Since the radio in the car was turned on completely loud that my breath couldn't be heard, I hold it very hard.
I just promised myself that I won't make things that upset him, or make him angry, and etc. The program is around the corner, the time we have now to meet each other can be counted with my own fingers. I met him many times lately. And before the day the program is held, I will try my best to make him happy, I swear I will not mad at him just for a simple thing. I'm going to create the sweetest memories with him before the day of the program. Please know that I always will be there to love you, even if I do not say 'I love you'. And I am going to miss you all the time! And I will be waiting for you after the end of the program with an open arms. It is just 3 months long, we can make it, it is not a big deal isn't! I love you.

I will be there waiting for you and play the thumb fight together, like we always do all the time. :)

This week was terrible.

It was so sad that I couldn't meet him for this whole week. Probably for the next week either. I'm done crying with pillows beside me. Sometimes, I wanted to do crazy things. I did think of wanna meet some of my boy friends to make him jealous to death. But "think before act" has been my guider since a long time ago. It was the dumbest thing to be done, I won't try them ever. I miss him a lot that I didn't want to tell him, because I always know the response won't make my day. He seems okay for everything that I don't. I was trying and keep trying until now, how can I make it okay for myself. I can't. But seeing my other best friends being tougher than me, as they are going through even worse experiences than me, I know I can develop well on this. I think I just need time. Even though crying at night was a tiring, but seems like it helped me a lot on expressing things, I don't care at all.
I always miss you.

I'm done throwing some shits out of me.

Boy, that was sweet.

We supposed to meet each other today, I was so excited as I was waiting for you to come back from KK and then we will spend our time eating the donuts you had bought. I was kinda sad before this because couldn't be with you on the 1st of September, which was yesterday.

It was our five monthsary, couldn't believe we can get until this far. I was so proud of you for loving me till this day.

You went to KK yesterday so I was like never mind though, and you said today you'll meet me and on that time, I was so happy! Being with you is the point, it was not about getting to meet you today bringing the donuts that I asked for. But so sad that it was already late on that time, and I knew you will be here around 5pm in the evening. That hurts me so much. My best friend can get to meet her boy everyday but in my case, I can't and it is not easy for me. Today is the day, but why should this happened? So I sighed and sighed and sighed until I cried. It was really difficult.

The thing is, you're not here on our five months was the hardest for me to break through. I was so bad today treated you so badly. I gave short texts for you and I sometimes ignored you. I was so selfish isn't? I never wanted to think positively about everything that was going on. I knew that you just couldn't do anything anymore. You tried so hard to make me laugh, but I didn't give any positive feedback. I was so bad, you should punch me, or bite my face because I was so bikin panas kan.

When you drove to my home just to give me the donuts, I was so happy, I felt like wanted to hug you so tight because I miss you. I felt like we didn't meet each other for like months, padahal baru berapa hari, still can count how many days apalah si Dayang ni. I wanted to say sorry for a thousand time or maybe more if I could. I never thought my behavior was so childish this time, I had treated you so bad. I knew you hated me for that and I am so sorry. If you read this, I wanted you to know that I love you this big (big like the universe), I promised I won't hurt you anymore.

Happy five monthsary! I'm so sorry. Thanks for everything.

This thing should be uploaded untuk kasi jealous orang ngeeeeeee bye!

FOB.

Girls seem like you so much. You are handsome, well-dressing, good-looking guy. They wanted to ‘kirim salam’ you and wanted to tell you that they love you. I was here sitting, holding my breath, trying to act like I am always okay. I feel insecure, honest. I don’t know how to express this verbally but I know how to write them. Don’t ask me why I couldn’t just tell you straight. You know me. Why oh why. Fuck off bitches, I can’t keep this any longer.

partama kalinya~ xD

bgini baini..ini prtama kali baini sy tulis blog..sy pun tda tau la apa mo ckap dii..
sy mo ksitau stu sja sma kamu..sy sayang si dayang..
sy rndu dia..lama suda tda jmpa..haha
c dyg sot!!

Please, just read, no asking.

I really had the hardest time keeping my sadness inside, especially when it was school time. I'd never been good at vocalizing my emotions or expressing pain verbally. So if somebody tells me to prefer telling face to face about this, I won't. I think I'm good at writing instead of expressing something by my own mouth. I hope it could be understood clearly before I begin anything here.
I have a friend, my best friend, my sister, my everything. I love her with my whole heart. But the worst thing I ever had is that our friendship is getting lose nowadays. I felt that way since our Semester 1 exam. People asked me, are you guys having a fight or what? I told them I had to had my own time reading books because hello, it's exam, what do you expect? Exam is important for a nerd like me.
I do not mean that when I am with her, I won't have time reading and lastly brought to a worst marks for my papers. Not like that. She wasn't one of the reasons why I kept a distance between us, and I didn't want to! And I didn't meant to say that the exam is more important than her, that was not true!
When I was with her, I always try to have a great conversation with her like the old times, but eventually I can't. She seems happy with her boyfriend and what do you want me to do, interrupt them? No way, it is not good. They're sweet and I love seeing that, and I feel happy for her life now. I thought she will be okay if she has her boyfriend around instead of us. Why? Because we have to study for our papers. At that time, all we think was just the papers we will have to fight for. So we thought that we should spent the time that we had by studying. That's all. And don't get confuse, everyone in the class were busy reading their books, so it means we talked less, really like damn less. Everyone was feeling stressful, and so am I. By that, I thought I should leave her with her dearest boyfriend and me with my dearest books. That's all.
I read her blog recently and by that, I saw one of her post. I cried okay, satisfied with that? I didn't meant to hurt her by that way. I really thought that she will be okay as I really was busy with my exam. I never, or we never wanted to leave you like that.
Last Friday was the last time I met, or we met you, and the last time we've spoken. I wanted to cry okay? But I wasn't that type of person, crying in front of their best friends was something like superb makes my shy like fuck. We have planned to meet each other on this school holidays but I know that she wasn't allowed to go out this day. I don't know how to fix the things between us. I don't know how to talk to her after the holidays! I don't know how to fix everything.
We didn't have the gut to say goodbye on that last Friday, I didn't saw you but I felt sorry, I can't stay too long so I don't have time to find you. I hope you will have a great holidays. Mine was like hell but tomorrow I will see my personal assistant hahaha. I miss him like so hard. I miss him and I miss my best friends as well. Balance enough?

Okay bye. Hey Jason I love you HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

We're going to move out soon.

For the public's information, I'm going to move to a new house soon! I think we'll be moving out on this two weeks of school holidays. I can't wait though as the new house was looking pretty, decorated by my lady boss of the house. But things are getting worse in our old house now, too much of things need to be cleaned up and need to be boxed up (do we have that phrase in English?) I mean I need to put those our things that will be sent to our new house in the boxes. That was somehow makes me tired. I hope our house have servant to do those works!

It has been 1 month and 27 days we have been together! Soon we'll be reached to our 2 months. Why am I telling that?

Saja, mau minta puji sikit. Hahahaha!

Okay I've met his eldest sister and I was like can't talked at that time. I feel shy and that was a shit. I just can smiled to her and that was a shit too. I don't know why I was acting in that way but I do knew, that was terrible and can be classified as shit too. I miss you by the way. Have a great time you!

I saw this at Tumblr and guess what, I'm fucking hungry.

I hope we can make this lasting.

It has been 1 month and 13 days we have been together. Well honestly, I feel really happy being with you. I never feel like this before, and I think you changed the whole me. I’ve been dated for 2 guys and what I can conclude about myself when I am with them was that I was so childish and I love to say something which can hurt them. I feel like my attitude when I am with them was so embarrassing. When you came, you totally changed me. We never fight, we always tease each other, you love holding my hand and I love to smell your cologne. It just your family already knew about me, especially your sister! But I haven’t told mine. My mom was like curious knowing that I always go out to somewhere. I think I will tell her soon, I just can’t find a suitable time. Time flies fast isn’t it, we had spent so much of our time together, and I will always remember the way you are trying to hug me but you eventually haven’t really made that move. Haha! I hope I can hug you too, but well you know, I feel shy telling you that. We talked a bit for our future. I mean your future with your success and my future with my success - I love everything about you.

We met just now and it was officially our 7th date. You hold my hand like there was just us two in this world and you ignored people that are passed by. You hold my waist tight and I feel like you were protecting me.

Hold this relationship as tight as you can okay, because I will.

Feeling like wanna throw up? Haha. Have a great day everyone.