I really had the hardest time keeping my sadness inside, especially when it was school time. I'd never been good at vocalizing my emotions or expressing pain verbally. So if somebody tells me to prefer telling face to face about this, I won't. I think I'm good at writing instead of expressing something by my own mouth. I hope it could be understood clearly before I begin anything here.
I have a friend, my best friend, my sister, my everything. I love her with my whole heart. But the worst thing I ever had is that our friendship is getting lose nowadays. I felt that way since our Semester 1 exam. People asked me, are you guys having a fight or what? I told them I had to had my own time reading books because hello, it's exam, what do you expect? Exam is important for a nerd like me.
I do not mean that when I am with her, I won't have time reading and lastly brought to a worst marks for my papers. Not like that. She wasn't one of the reasons why I kept a distance between us, and I didn't want to! And I didn't meant to say that the exam is more important than her, that was not true!
When I was with her, I always try to have a great conversation with her like the old times, but eventually I can't. She seems happy with her boyfriend and what do you want me to do, interrupt them? No way, it is not good. They're sweet and I love seeing that, and I feel happy for her life now. I thought she will be okay if she has her boyfriend around instead of us. Why? Because we have to study for our papers. At that time, all we think was just the papers we will have to fight for. So we thought that we should spent the time that we had by studying. That's all. And don't get confuse, everyone in the class were busy reading their books, so it means we talked less, really like damn less. Everyone was feeling stressful, and so am I. By that, I thought I should leave her with her dearest boyfriend and me with my dearest books. That's all.
I read her blog recently and by that, I saw one of her post. I cried okay, satisfied with that? I didn't meant to hurt her by that way. I really thought that she will be okay as I really was busy with my exam. I never, or we never wanted to leave you like that.
Last Friday was the last time I met, or we met you, and the last time we've spoken. I wanted to cry okay? But I wasn't that type of person, crying in front of their best friends was something like superb makes my shy like fuck. We have planned to meet each other on this school holidays but I know that she wasn't allowed to go out this day. I don't know how to fix the things between us. I don't know how to talk to her after the holidays! I don't know how to fix everything.
We didn't have the gut to say goodbye on that last Friday, I didn't saw you but I felt sorry, I can't stay too long so I don't have time to find you. I hope you will have a great holidays. Mine was like hell but tomorrow I will see my personal assistant hahaha. I miss him like so hard. I miss him and I miss my best friends as well. Balance enough?
Okay bye. Hey Jason I love you HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
