Good morning.
It has been so long since I’m
writing here. Not because I was busy, it just I don’t want to come up with
another boring updates. There was not much things happened since I left this
blog. Everything was just the same. I spent almost all of the days in home, not
going out to special places. Except for the Chinese New Year last month where
my family and I went to a simple trip. I remember that time I was completely
not in my mood because we left Keningau two days before he went back to his camp.
It was so sad that I could even cry, feeling like the time flew so fast than I
expected. So many thoughts came up to my mind when we left Keningau, I have
been asking myself for a thousand times, did I treat him right when he was
back? I had promised myself that when he was back, I’m going to treat him well
and just create some memories together since he was given a holiday for only
one week for the Chinese New Year celebration.
After he left to his camp and when we
returned home, no special events happened. I’m just staying at home learning
some new recipes, watching movies, surfing the internet, tweeting. I have been
so active in Twitter recently as I found it so interesting and because of that,
I tweeted quite a lot. It was really a good site for me because I can post
anything I want and let go all the problems or the stress I had on me since no
one will care to bother me. Since then, I stick with Twitter all the time.
For the last two weeks, he didn’t get his
phone back so we couldn’t text each other as usual. I was quite disappointed
but I tried to be calmed because I thought I’m not going to start any fight
since we are so far apart. He finally got his phone for this week, which is
yesterday. I was so happy, but after that all the texts seem boring. I wonder if
he is so boring towards me. It makes me upset but I just keep silent. I really
felt left-out recently. To be honest, I miss everything about us. Sometimes the
memories just keep flashing back in my head but because I’m getting used to the
distance we have now, I just keep thinking about it. Back then, I’ll be crying
for thinking about those things. Sometimes I feel like these things make me
grow up a bit towards maturity. Seriously, every of this experience teaches me
a lot.
So last night, I didn’t know why I was
crying. Maybe I had endured too much about us. I really felt left-out for the
whole day since yesterday. I don’t even dare to tell him that I miss him so
much. I did tell him that but it was different from back then. The respond I
got didn’t cheer me up. I must say every respond I got was unsatisfied. Am I
the one that made him being bored, or did I do something wrong? And to be
truth, I miss being loved. I miss being cared like the old times. I miss
holding hands and playing games, I miss it that he will be there when I was
stressed and listen to me all the time. I know that it makes no sense to say
about this. Or by any chance, is this only my feeling?
Why is everything feels so different?
