I'm madly in love.

The time currently shows 12.12am.
Here I am again with a story. Not so interesting but I guess I just wanna express this feeling of mine.
So, what I could say is that tomorrow will be our first monthsary! One month completed and yeay, we made it to this far. Not really that fucking far but enough said, we made it to this day and it feels so good. You guys should feel lucky because no one knows about our relationship but just the bloggers. I didn't admit a thing to my friends at school, but of course my best friends do know about this, they cannot miss a thing and that this one need to be spread to three of them.
I feel lucky to have him as I never met a guy like him. He is open-minded and sporting and that's what actually really matter. That's what caught my eyes as well as my fragile heart. For short, I'm madly in love with capital JK❤!
Wanna know a bit about this guy? Haha.
He's a lanky guy with a cute eyes. He got chinese-look. He wears simple but no doubt he's handsome no matter what shirt he wears. Not that educated BUT he got that hard-working attitude which you can't find it from me. He knows driving! He looks cool from far when driving. So sad that I'm a shorty and he's so taller than me, I'm so lack of height and I don't know how do we look together.

I simply love him, that's what really matter.

Something was wrong on me today.

I'm going to show my bravery tonight in this post about everything that I kept in me. I wanted to tell a long time ago but I think now was the right time to, errr you know, sharing.
It has been 18 days since 1st April 2012. I'm so happy. But suddenly I cried now. We were having a nice conversations as always, telling jokes and then teasing each other but in a good way. I teased him once just now and I think he didn't like it at all so he was like rebuked me but also in a good way. I didn't know what happens on me, I felt bad so I cried. Then he said he wanted to study, I know and I understand that, but it feels like unfair to me, I wanted someone to accompany me. But it was okay, fine, why should I be mad for something like that. See, everything starts from me, everything should blame on me.
And then I was thinking about my family. There was once, I was having a fight with my parents. They really put a lot of pressure on me lately. I always do house works but they don't care about it. But when I made a really small mistake or when I forgot to do the house works, they will shout at me. It's always the same every time. They didn't appreciate me at all. Besides, they prevent me from going to the tuition but when they saw me without opening my books, they will shout at me again. So I was wondering, what they want from me actually? I once heard my mom yelled at me at the living room when I was in my bedroom hiding. She reminded me to not disappointed her because she had prepared a lot for me includes the tuition classes and so on. The part that I hate the most is that she wanted me to get straight As without excuses. I cried in my bedroom making no noise. I was so shocked to heard that from my mom. She put more pressure on me and I still feel it this day. She never wants to understand me. Please understand me, the subjects I took for my SPM wasn't as easy as you thought. It takes a lot of efforts for me to catch up the entire subjects. It will be easier for me to catch all of them up if I was really that fucking clever. But the reality is, I am a dumbass, so, try to not expect much from me. I am really a dumbass. I would do anything to make you proud mom, but never challenge me in that way because I don't feel like being motivated, but I feel hurt instead.
I'm still crying, haha! I feel useless.

My new life begins now.

I went to the school with a sleepy face and the huge laziness of mine. Hoping that today's routine at school will come to its end as fast as possible. I hate books nowadays and I don't know why!
So when I reached my class, I asked my friends around me about what was going on when I was not around (as I had a competition last week, so I didn't touch any of my book last week because I was busy thinking about the competition). They told me that there was a looooooooooooooooooot of school works to be done. And there was a looooooooooooooooooot of notes that I had missed. How great was that? Great like shit, great like hell!
I started to have that stress feeling in me, it grows inside me sloooooooowly. Additional Mathematics, Mathematics, Biology, Chemistry and oh my gosh, Physics either. I really missed a lot. I need to catch up all of them before they eat me.
When I was doing my Additional Mathematics' works while actually I was in a English class, I noticed that my teacher started to stare at me. I felt scared of course and in the end, I finally closed my books for a while. I looked down and started to cry. The pressure I had at the moment overcame me. White flag is raised at my side. I think I should blame myself for everything that came to this situation. I cried a bit, no one saw that silly moment of mine. I wiped those tears and started all over again. Keep calm and raise the calculator! Hahahahaha.
This day, I didn't spent so much of my time with my best friends. I was in a rush all the time, there were a lot of works to be done, I didn't wanna leave my school works anymore. Never, I swear. Enough for me to cry by myself in the class today because of the stress that overcame me.